Dads

On my way to Morro dos Macacos two weeks ago, I spotted a little girl walking with her dad on my street about 20 meters in front of me. She couldn't have been more than six years old. I probably wouldn't have noticed her had it not been for the bundled figure that she carried tenderly against her shoulder. 
"That little girl is carrying a baby?!?" I thought, blinking in disbelief. My critical nature sized up her father and lined him up in my sights. "What brand of laziness is this? Maybe with her free arm you can make her tote a couple bags of groceries."

However, as she passed by, I turned around to get a better look, only to realize that what I thought was a baby was merely a doll. Cynicism gave way to guilt, then repentance. In my mind, I came to grips with the weight of this scene. This little girl carried a piece of plastic with more caution and concern than most carry their own flesh and blood, and the reason that she held it in such a manner was exactly because of the man at her side that I had so grossly misjudged ten seconds prior.

Fathers. Loving, present fathers. So much of our work here in Brasil is the fallout of the scarcity of such.

I'm very thankful for my own dad. Beyond that, I learn a lot from my friends who fit this profile. The other night I was talking to one such friend via Skype. I asked him about his kids, and he shared with me an image that has reshaped my ideal of fatherhood. Let me set the context for this image first. This guy has four kids - two young twin girls, a toddler and an infant. Nothing about his situation lends itself towards relaxing Saturday afternoons. However, when he has to go to Home Depot, he doesn't just ditch the kids with his wife in the name of efficiency. He loads all four of them into the car with him and leads his merry little band through the store.

Now, the image that stuck in my mind was his description of cutting the grass. If I have a task like that before me, I'll step back from people in order to get the job done. Not so with this guy. He bought a harness system where he can carry the kids on his back as he cuts. He also bought protective earmuffs for each one of the kids (save the newborn). They all take turns riding on his back while he circles around his lawn. His reason is simple. He decided long ago that he didn't want to live his life in spite of his kids or in function of his kids. Instead, he was determined to share life with his kids. In his case, that meant opting out of the riding lawn mower and giving his kids a ride instead. I'm endebted to my friend for this picture - not only because it shapes my own parenting methods but because it gives me a new understanding of our true Father as well.

  

A Woman's Touch (Jeremy)

Winter is officially upon us, beginning tomorrow June 21st. With it comes temperatures that drop into the frigid lower 60's. If you take into account the windchill factor, we're facing bundled-up nights in the upper 50's for the next three months. You may think I say this tongue in cheek, but I'm quite serious. The furious heat of summer has drastically altered my concept of cold, and I get out of bed with teeth chattering these days. The most observable impact that this drop in temperature has upon my existence is in the duration of my showers. I would say that on a typical winter morning I shave two minutes off a shower that four months prior lasted five. The reason is simple - electric shower heads. Water for bathing is not heated in a separate tank and then piped into the shower. Instead, water is warmed as it passes through the heating element of the shower head. This set-up establishes an inverse relationship between the flow of water and its temperature - or, more simply, more water equals colder water. Since my approach is basically to maintain the same water pressure, I adjust to the cold by diminishing the length of my showers. My objective is to get in and out as fast as possible.

Now, my wife is of an entirely different school of thought. Unlike me, she will sacrifice water pressure in order to achieve the maximum amount of heat that she can coax out of the heating element. From outside the bathroom, I can hear the heating element arming and disarming as she meticulously works at adjusting the flow to what I would consider little more than a light mist. Once she has discovered the threshold for the least amount of water necessary to engage the heating element, she will huddle under that tiny hot stream until the steam clouds our bathroom mirrors. She delights in the challenge.

I tell this story to highlight the differences between my wife and I. This week I had the benefit of witnessing how valuable her differences are. As I mentioned in the last post, we've been walking through a more intense stage with the guys, working with some more painful issues from the past. Long story short, my attempt at correcting one of the guys escalated into him packing his stuff to leave. Conflict has always scared this guy, as he prefers flight to fight. I was heated but was also aware of the dangerous ground on which we were treading. I tried to help him see that he was reverting to a dangerous pattern, but he couldn't hear me. At that moment, Carol, with the same measured calmness with which she adjusts the water faucet, began to talk to the guy. I stepped away, and, a few minutes later, he was ready to engage once again. I was both humbled by her and thankful for her. From there, we were able to move into a conversation/prayer that really moved this guy's story forward. I don't tell this story to make much of Carol, as she doesn't read my posts anyways. I write this more to highlight the wisdom of God in creating personalities of such stark contrasts - personalities that ebb and flow with the current of redemption. Surely, He blesses, shapes and confronts us with the people that He gives us. With that, I'm not above flushing the toilet when she is in the shower just to disarm the heating element.

      

Repairs (Jeremy)

Our deepest problem is that we seek to find our identity outside the story of redemption.
                                                                                                        - Paul David Tripp

People that know me would never ask my opinion about home repair. I once attempted to patch a rather large hole in a wall with caulk. Cars are not my thing either. My wife still mocks me for the incredibly expensive "magic water" that a gas station attendant convinced me to buy when I had my radiator fluid changed. When it comes to problems, I prefer to deal with the arena of interpersonal relationships. But, I find two glaring issues in making a claim like this. First, no one wants to be fixed. Second, who am I to say that I can help?

These issues have surfaced in my mind following some remarkably painful stories that the guys have shared over the last few weeks regarding their pasts. From my experience, we are tempted to fill the wake of silence created by such confessions with one of two alternatives. The first is the quick fix. This is where I shrink another's problem to a manageable symptom of a treatable behavior. Then, I can give them some clear steps to eradicate this behavior from their lives. The second option is passing the buck. I may feel as if I don't have anything to offer so I refer this individual to someone who is more qualified to work with this type of person, thereby reinforcing the distance that this person already feels from those around him. In my mind, neither approach is a valid one. Instead, I think I'm learning that our approach must flow from a right understanding of the Tripp quote at the beginning of this post. Our responsibility is to help people find their story within the context of the redemptive work of a glorious God. While our role will look different in each person's story, the themes of dependence upon the Spirit, an awareness of your own brokenness, a turning towards God, a shared sense of pain and the commitment to walk beside should each be present in some form.

I ask that you please pray alongside us that God would redeem painful experiences, transforming them into a life-giving bridge that reaches into the struggles of others.

Exits (Jeremy)

The Riddles arrived here in Brasil in February 2006. Five years, four homes, three churches, two children and a red, VW grocery-getter later, they returned to the States. On May 1st, home for them became a place quite distant from us. The night they left was quite somber. There was that unswallowable pain in the back of your throat that invariably gives way to tears, then, hugs. There was the awkward silence that accompanied us to the baggage check. There was the altogether underwhelming goodbye that seemed quite unfit for the occasion and the final left turn around the translucent glass wall of the security check. Then, there was just the space that they had disoccupied. Gone.

But, exits are not all sadness. Walking up Morro dos Macacos last week, two little kids that I've never met but that have seen us around the morro stopped me to ask, "Jason, where's the other one?" Now, what I've discovered from my time in the morro is that most of the kids that are not close to us seem to think of Jason and I as an extension of one identity. To them, our names really don't mean anything. We are Jason and the other one. Jason is the name assigned to the person that they are addressing. The other one is the title given to the one that is not present. Since I was there that day, I was Jason. I didn't correct the kids. I simply replied, "He's returned to the States." But as I continued walking, I reflected on how much both Jason and Kristin are a part of what we do here. I considered the indellible mark they left on me, the guys and a number of kids from the morro. And, in that moment, sadness gave way to gratitude. Suddenly, 4742 miles didn't seem like such a distance.

I ask that you pray for the Riddles. First, Jason needs a job. Second, pray for this period of adjustment for them. While there is the joy of being home with friends and family, there is also the sense of loss for the stories in which they invested five years of their lives that continue on without them. All of us here are genuinely thankful for the time we had with the Riddles and trust that God has greater plans for them still in bringing them home.

Sprouts (Jason)

Jacob has a book about a boy that wants to grow sunflowers in his father’s garden.  The boy chooses the seeds, prepares the dirt, plants the seeds, and cheers on the rain.  His part is done.  All he can do is wait.  At this point in the book the reader can only guess what the outcome will be.  It may be a happy ending where the boy’s efforts yield many, enormous plants.  Or, the book might be a tragedy where nothing comes out of the ground.  God only knows.  The boy did his part and he did it well.  The outcome is out of his hands. 

Cezario is a 14-year-old boy who lives in Morro dos Macacos.  He has been with us since we began there in 2007 in our English and soccer classes and in our Bible studies.  He has always been a marginal character.  Generally I would describe his behavior as poor… that is up until two months ago. 

In 2007, Jeremy and I quickly noticed that the kids at Morro dos Macacos show little to no gratitude.  Ultimately we believe that their lack of gratitude for what they have here on this earth limits their ability to appreciate God.  He is, after all, the giver of all good things.  So, we set out to help them appreciate others by creating a few simple rules.  The first two of our three rules are: “If you want something ask, ‘please’.  If you receive something say, ‘thank you.’”  We have been insisting on those couple of rules for almost 4 years.  Last year we upped the bar.  We began talking about Christian leadership and challenged the kids that participate in our Wednesday soccer ministry to practice habits common to Christianity and leaders.  Specifically, we challenged them to encourage one another, not to complain and to serve.  At the end of every game Jeremy and I awarded the best player, the best goalie and the best attitude (defined as encourager, positive and servant) with public recognition and sometimes a piece of candy.  Cezerio has won best attitude by us countless times and was elected by his peers to win best attitude at last Wednesday’s game.  His behavior is phenomenal.  I have never seen such a drastic change in behavior in any other kid I have worked with in the past 11 years of ministry. 

Jeremy and I are like the little boy in Jacob's book (we are like little boys in more ways than one).  We planted seeds by making a plan to change behavior.  We prepared the soil by sticking to our plan through difficult times for 4 years now.  We have cheered on the rain by praying weekly for these boys.  All we can do is wait.  What will the outcome be?  God only knows.  Cezario does not profess to be a Christian, but we receive his change of behavior as a sign that God is at work in his life and of greater things to come.

Thank you all for your prayers and support of this work here. 

Sombra Road Staff

In-Laws (Jeremy)

Paulo and Malu have been dating for a little over a year. In the next few weeks, Carol and I will most likely meet her parents, as they, along with Malu, will be flying in from the southern part of Brazil to spend the weekend in our home. The visit is her dad's idea - a chance for the families to meet. I like the idea. However, I cannot help but feel that we are about to live out a scene from a Wes Anderson film. Consider the following variables:

1) Carol and I (representing Paulo's parents) are just a little older than Senior Carlos and Dona Maria's (Malu's father) oldest son
2) Her parents seem to be quiet talkers, and I'm a foreigner
3) Paulo has never met them, only talking with them over the phone
4) Paulo is finishing high school and Malu has her PhD, currently working with a research team in Sao Paulo
5) This will be the first time that Paulo and Malu actually meet, as their relationship has consisted solely of Skype and phone calls

It is the perfect storm of awkwardness, as all types of social inconveniences have seemingly aligned for one fateful encounter.

The fun side of all of this has been our preparation for the weekend, particularly Paulo's grooming. Carol is handling his table etiquette - posture, arm placement, proper usage of utensils, excusing oneself from the table. I have directed my efforts towards his treatment of her parents - use of titles, conversation starters and eye contact. This crash course in breeding has heightened Paulo's anxiety in meeting her family, which is a good sign in my opinion. First, it shows that he cares about Malu and is willing to undergo this reconditioning to value the people she values. Second, it demonstrates that Paulo maintains a healthy fear for her father - a trait that seems quite effective in keeping couples in bounds relationally. In all of this, it's been quite encouraging to see God take a timid, acceptance-driven teenager from a few years back and transform him into someone capable of caring for/committing to another. But, the real highlight for me is the careful deliberation with which Paulo arranges the silverware on his plate following a meal, invariably followed by an uncertain glance to Carol for approval. Here's to non-conventional weekends.    

Transitions (Jason)

As many of you know from the letter that we sent in February, Kristin and I will be transitioning back to the States by midyear 2011  (see our letter here).  We look forward to seeing many of you again and will be in touch once we get settled.  In the letter we highlighted some of the ways that God has worked during our time here in Brazil.  As I believe it is fitting, I would like to give greater attention to some of those works here in this blog update.  

First, I would like to start with REAME, the orphanage.  For 10 years now Sombra Road has supported the work of REAME with financial assistance.  Tom Carson, a shrewd judge of character, made a wise choice when he decided to invest in Gislaine, REAME's founder and director.  Gislaine has administered Sombra Road's investments wisely as she has sheltered hundreds of abandoned children in REAME's 17 years.

Next, we thank God for the opportunity that Sombra Road has had to reach out to many while focusing on a few.  We have had the opportunity to conduct weekly Bible studies, English and soccer classes, and prayer meetings with hundreds of disadvantaged youth in our time here in Brazil.  Within the past year we have had the benefit of seeing some longstanding relationships pay off with the development of a soccer ministry.   Among this group we have been able to have many spiritual conversations and have seen much fruit.  However, we are even more thankful for the lives of Claudinho, Paulo Sergio, Paulo Ricardo, Adilio, and Anderson.  We thank God that we have been able to share our lives with these young men whom we consider to be close friends.  We believe that God has entrusted them to us, that he is doing and will do great things in their lives.

Please pray for us as we make our transition back to the States, for employment and that we would trust in God's guidance and care.  Also, pray for Jeremy as he continues Sombra Road's work here in Brazil.  Finally, pray for the boys in the Sombra Road Program as they continue to mature and grow in their love for God.