A Woman's Touch (Jeremy)

Winter is officially upon us, beginning tomorrow June 21st. With it comes temperatures that drop into the frigid lower 60's. If you take into account the windchill factor, we're facing bundled-up nights in the upper 50's for the next three months. You may think I say this tongue in cheek, but I'm quite serious. The furious heat of summer has drastically altered my concept of cold, and I get out of bed with teeth chattering these days. The most observable impact that this drop in temperature has upon my existence is in the duration of my showers. I would say that on a typical winter morning I shave two minutes off a shower that four months prior lasted five. The reason is simple - electric shower heads. Water for bathing is not heated in a separate tank and then piped into the shower. Instead, water is warmed as it passes through the heating element of the shower head. This set-up establishes an inverse relationship between the flow of water and its temperature - or, more simply, more water equals colder water. Since my approach is basically to maintain the same water pressure, I adjust to the cold by diminishing the length of my showers. My objective is to get in and out as fast as possible.

Now, my wife is of an entirely different school of thought. Unlike me, she will sacrifice water pressure in order to achieve the maximum amount of heat that she can coax out of the heating element. From outside the bathroom, I can hear the heating element arming and disarming as she meticulously works at adjusting the flow to what I would consider little more than a light mist. Once she has discovered the threshold for the least amount of water necessary to engage the heating element, she will huddle under that tiny hot stream until the steam clouds our bathroom mirrors. She delights in the challenge.

I tell this story to highlight the differences between my wife and I. This week I had the benefit of witnessing how valuable her differences are. As I mentioned in the last post, we've been walking through a more intense stage with the guys, working with some more painful issues from the past. Long story short, my attempt at correcting one of the guys escalated into him packing his stuff to leave. Conflict has always scared this guy, as he prefers flight to fight. I was heated but was also aware of the dangerous ground on which we were treading. I tried to help him see that he was reverting to a dangerous pattern, but he couldn't hear me. At that moment, Carol, with the same measured calmness with which she adjusts the water faucet, began to talk to the guy. I stepped away, and, a few minutes later, he was ready to engage once again. I was both humbled by her and thankful for her. From there, we were able to move into a conversation/prayer that really moved this guy's story forward. I don't tell this story to make much of Carol, as she doesn't read my posts anyways. I write this more to highlight the wisdom of God in creating personalities of such stark contrasts - personalities that ebb and flow with the current of redemption. Surely, He blesses, shapes and confronts us with the people that He gives us. With that, I'm not above flushing the toilet when she is in the shower just to disarm the heating element.

      

Repairs (Jeremy)

Our deepest problem is that we seek to find our identity outside the story of redemption.
                                                                                                        - Paul David Tripp

People that know me would never ask my opinion about home repair. I once attempted to patch a rather large hole in a wall with caulk. Cars are not my thing either. My wife still mocks me for the incredibly expensive "magic water" that a gas station attendant convinced me to buy when I had my radiator fluid changed. When it comes to problems, I prefer to deal with the arena of interpersonal relationships. But, I find two glaring issues in making a claim like this. First, no one wants to be fixed. Second, who am I to say that I can help?

These issues have surfaced in my mind following some remarkably painful stories that the guys have shared over the last few weeks regarding their pasts. From my experience, we are tempted to fill the wake of silence created by such confessions with one of two alternatives. The first is the quick fix. This is where I shrink another's problem to a manageable symptom of a treatable behavior. Then, I can give them some clear steps to eradicate this behavior from their lives. The second option is passing the buck. I may feel as if I don't have anything to offer so I refer this individual to someone who is more qualified to work with this type of person, thereby reinforcing the distance that this person already feels from those around him. In my mind, neither approach is a valid one. Instead, I think I'm learning that our approach must flow from a right understanding of the Tripp quote at the beginning of this post. Our responsibility is to help people find their story within the context of the redemptive work of a glorious God. While our role will look different in each person's story, the themes of dependence upon the Spirit, an awareness of your own brokenness, a turning towards God, a shared sense of pain and the commitment to walk beside should each be present in some form.

I ask that you please pray alongside us that God would redeem painful experiences, transforming them into a life-giving bridge that reaches into the struggles of others.